The Words given by My Parent That Helped Us as a New Dad

"I believe I was just just surviving for a year."

Former Made In Chelsea cast member Ryan Libbey thought he would to cope with the difficulties of becoming a dad.

But the truth soon turned out to be "very different" to his expectations.

Life-threatening health problems surrounding the birth caused his partner Louise being hospitalised. All of a sudden he was thrust into acting as her primary caregiver as well as taking care of their newborn son Leo.

"I was doing all the nights, every change… every stroll. The role of both mum and dad," Ryan explained.

Following 11 months he became exhausted. It was a conversation with his parent, on a bench in the park, that led him to understand he couldn't do it alone.

The direct statement "You're not in a good place. You need some help. In what way can I help you?" paved the way for Ryan to express himself truthfully, seek support and start recovering.

His story is not uncommon, but infrequently talked about. While people is now better used to talking about the strain on mothers and about post-natal depression, far less attention is paid about the challenges fathers face.

Asking for help is not weak to ask for help

Ryan thinks his difficulties are symptomatic of a larger reluctance to open up among men, who continue to hold onto harmful notions of manhood.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the harbour wall that just gets hit and doesn't fall every time."

"It is not a show of weakness to ask for help. I failed to do that fast enough," he adds.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher specialising in mental health pre and post childbirth, notes men can be reluctant to accept they're struggling.

They can feel they are "not a legitimate person to be seeking help" - most notably in preference to a new mother and infant - but she highlights their mental well-being is just as important to the unit.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad offered him the opportunity to take a respite - spending a couple of days away, outside of the domestic setting, to see things clearly.

He came to see he had to make a change to pay attention to his and his partner's feelings alongside the practical tasks of looking after a new baby.

When he was honest with Louise, he discovered he'd missed "what she was yearning" -reassuring touch and hearing her out.

'Parenting yourself

That epiphany has transformed how Ryan views being a dad.

He's now composing Leo regular notes about his experiences as a dad, which he aspires his son will read as he grows up.

Ryan believes these will help his son to more fully comprehend the vocabulary of emotional life and make sense of his parenting choices.

The concept of "parenting yourself" is something musician Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four.

When he was young Stephen did not have stable male parenting. Despite having an "incredible" bond with his dad, deep-held emotional pain resulted in his father had difficulty managing and was "coming and going" of his life, making difficult their connection.

Stephen says bottling up emotions led him to make "bad decisions" when he was younger to change how he was feeling, seeking comfort in drink and drugs as a way out from the hurt.

"You find your way to substances that aren't helpful," he explains. "They might briefly alter how you are feeling, but they will ultimately make things worse."

Strategies for Managing as a New Dad

• Open up to someone - if you're feeling swamped, tell a friend, your other half or a professional how you're feeling. It can help to lighten the load and make you feel more supported.
• Remember your hobbies - make time for the pursuits that made you feel like the person you were before having a baby. This might be exercising, seeing friends or playing video games.
• Don't ignore the body - nutritious food, physical activity and where possible, getting some sleep, all play a role in how your emotional health is faring.
• Meet other parents in the same boat - sharing their experiences, the challenges, and also the positive moments, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Understand that asking for help does not mean you've failed - taking care of yourself is the best way you can look after your household.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen expectedly had difficulty processing the passing, having not spoken to him for a long time.

As a dad now, Stephen's determined not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his own son and instead give the security and nurturing he missed out on.

When his son threatens to have a meltdown, for example, they do "releasing the emotion" together - expressing the frustrations constructively.

Each of Ryan and Stephen explain they have become improved and more well-rounded men due to the fact that they faced their struggles, transformed how they talk, and taught themselves to regulate themselves for their children.

"I have improved at… sitting with things and dealing with things," says Stephen.

"I wrote that in a letter to Leo recently," Ryan adds. "I said, at times I think my job is to guide and direct you how to behave, but actually, it's a dialogue. I am discovering just as much as you are through this experience."