Late-Night Hosts Take Aim At Trump's Controversial 'Gold Card' Residency Program

TV's top comedians used their airtime criticizing President Donald Trump's recently launched visa initiative, labeled the "Trump card," characterizing it as a obvious pay-for-access system for the affluent.

Stephen Colbert's Witty Analysis

Opening his program, Stephen Colbert presented a satirical holiday tune directed at the president. "He is compiling a list, checking it twice, then handing that list to the officials at ICE," he crooned. "The President ... spoils all he comes into contact with."

The subject was the controversial program that permits overseas individuals to buy U.S. residency for the price of one million dollars, with a "premium" tier for $5 million. A government website promises processing "in record time."

"A brief note for you to rich immigrants: prior to you fork over the cash, maybe think about Canada?" Colbert joked.

He noted that the card is also designed to "extract cash" from companies wanting to hire foreign workers, with significant fees. "That's a lot of fees, though if you enroll, you additionally get a complimentary stay at a property of your choosing – if it's the that one hotel," he said.

"The best background check the U.S. government has before done," said Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "a $15,000 vetting to make sure these applicants truly meet the standard to be in America."

"That is important, you gotta prove you're qualified to be an American," Colbert deadpanned. "The initial query: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Blistering Commentary

On his late-night program, Jimmy Kimmel referred to the visa program the "Get Into America Express Card."

"It's a card that will allow rich overseas citizens to live here," he explained. "In exchange for a million bucks, you get official resident status, you get a route to citizenship, and a presidential pardon for one serious crime of your choosing."

"Maybe it's time to revise that poem on the Statue of Liberty – never mind your tired masses. Hand over a million bucks, you're in!" he joked.

Kimmel mocked the simplicity of the application, observing it is "tougher to start a Wordle account." He lamented that Trump "thinks citizenship is something you can sell, like a condo."

"That's right, the finest people are the rich people," Kimmel said. "It's what Jesus always said! It's in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you give the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers covering Grocery Struggles

Elsewhere, Seth Meyers addressed Trump's slipping poll numbers amid economic concerns. "The public gave Donald Trump a another term since they were mad about the economy," he noted.

This week, in a bid to discuss cost of living, Trump held a briefing in front of a selection of food items, and reacted strangely to some cereal.

"What a nice job, I think I'm going to take some of them back to my cottage and have a lot of fun," Trump stated. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't had Cheerios in a while."

"He's so fucking weird," Meyers said. "Like, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What are you gonna do with those Cheerios?"

Meyers concluded by mocking conservative media defenses of Trump's financial record. "Perhaps rather than voicing concerns, you should give him a shiny trophy similar to the one FIFA did," he joked.